We’ve all seen her. The woman wearing a shocking outfit. The outfit might qualify as shocking depending on a lot of different factors. Age, cultural norms, religious beliefs, geographic location and current environment, such as whether you’re at a party or a job interview.
Most of us could quickly define what a “normal” outfit is under many different circumstances. And many of us have encountered the person who seems to be striving to push the boundary of acceptable. Just so we’re all on the same page and comparing apples to apples, let’s set our age range to “middle,” our geographic location to “North America,” religious beliefs to “varied” and current environment to the mall. We may all agree that based on those factors that breasts and bottoms are generally regarded as sexy. Still with me?
So, now we want to increase our sexy factor. How are we going to do that? By covering our breasts and bottoms up.
Yup, let’s cover em up!
If we are wearing an outfit that we know is going to attract the notice of strangers around us, we may want to ask ourselves why we’re choosing that attire. Especially if we’re knowingly attracting attention for our “sexiness.” This past summer I was seeing a lot of posts in my Facebook newsfeed about women who are standing almost nude in the streets with signs that they’re, “still not asking for it.” It was a major issue and the point was that no matter how a woman is dressed they still never deserve to be raped. This is not why I’m suggesting that women should be more modest. I agree that men need to be accountable for their actions no matter what the extenuating circumstances are.
In life there are very few genuine treasures anymore. The world is online, in pictures, available in videos and mobile. All sorts of things that used to be inaccessible are now easily accessed. This immediate availability tends to reduce treasures to something more common. What we do have control over is our body. We have the ability to keep it a treasure.
Whether it is our intent or not, if we’re wearing an outfit that accentuates features that are seen as sexy in our culture, we attract notice. The key word there is notice. A woman with a sexy amount of cleavage showing is going to attract the notice of a heterosexual man in his early 20s all the way up to heterosexual men in their 70s or 80s. Maybe you only want to be noticed by single men in the same age bracket as yourself. Maybe you don’t even want to be noticed but you have convinced yourself that you feel better when you know you’re looking sexy. Doesn’t matter. You have made your body public and you no longer have control over who takes notice. Now many men may take notice and move on, never thinking of you again. Other men may notice and the image replays in their mind for a few hours or a day. Other men’s thoughts may be illegal or highly inappropriate, even if their actions never are. The thing is, you do not know who is going to notice in which ways and nor do you have control over their thoughts. It’s already done.
Now, let’s say that one of these men that have noticed us is a married man. Later that night he is being intimate with his wife. With no warning, no desire, no thought, totally unbidden, your image pops into his head. I think we can all admit there’s times an unbidden thought has popped into our heads. You don’t know that’s happened to him, he’s a stranger. He quickly refocuses. No harm, no fowl, right? Well, not really. Just like nothing is really ever gone once it’s posted online, that image may never really be gone for him. He did not go out shopping at the mall with the desire to encounter an image that might inadvertently pop into his head from time to time. He may not even be sure why it stuck in his head or why it pops back up, it just does. In this scenario there is no positive value. You have not gained value, the man has not gained value and his wife has not been given value.
Maybe you went to the mall with your older sister. Your sister brought her teenage son. The teenage son brought his friend. His friend noticed your sexy attire, and in the typically crass style of some youth makes a comment to your nephew. Your nephew is humiliated. Once again, in this scenario, there is no positive value.
Maybe you’re starting to see that sometimes our choices have negative consequences we haven’t thought of or may not intend. Let’s see if there’s positive consequences we haven’t realized by dressing more modestly.
- If you have attracted the attention of a man while dressed modestly you are immediately assured that he has noticed something about you that appeals to him beyond your body. How great is this! While we of course would want our partner to be attracted to our body, most of us don’t want that to be the only thing that our partner is attracted to.
- If you have attracted the attention of a man while dressed modestly you know that he is not going to hope you to dress in ways that make you uncomfortable, should the relationship turn into something more permanent.
- You’re cutting some “fluff.” If you’ve attracted the attention of a man while dressed sexy it’s going to take a little more time to get to know him well enough to know that he respects you no matter how you’re dressed.
- You immediately send a message to the world that you have confidence. This works, even if you don’t feel like you have confidence! How? Because you’re sending a message that what you have to present to the world is of value and does not need to be disguised behind a traditional “sexy” outfit.
- You avoid self conscious behavior. If you’ve worn an outfit that is a little on the edge of your comfort zone you may constantly be tugging at edges, wanting to ensure what you want covered remains covered.
- Most importantly, to me anyway, is that I am offering my husband an incredible gift. I am making available him something that is totally unavailable to others. It is special and only for him. Some may argue that they want to give this gift to their husband in a public place, they want their mate to feel pride in them. Ladies, there’s ways to do this that still keeps your body absolutely protected for him and him alone. In public we can share inside jokes, glances or caresses that are just for each other and special, without having to open the gift of your body up for public viewing. And trust me ladies, this gift will not go unnoticed. Neil has commented on how he finds it sexier that I dress more modestly.
Stay sexy ladies and I’ll see you in the turtleneck aisle!